First and foremost – we get it. We’re ferret people. It’s weird to have ferrets and usually the people who own them are weirdoes. I would imagine the stereotypical profile for ferret owners sounds something like this:
· Makes a career out of working at a pet store
· Wears minimal to no deodorant
· Tried being a cat lady, but something went wrong
· Has tried eating dog treats on more than one occasion
And though I’m sure that some ferret owners hauntingly match that exact description, some of us are relatively normal. But either way, I’m sure that some sort of stigma will stick with us like stink on a…well…a ferret.
Despite the above, ferrets are actually super fun. They are practically small dogs that you can put in a cage while you’re away and feel guilt free.
Ashley and I have two ferrets, Larry Curtis Cohen-Shonka and Norman Wade Shonka-Cohen. Yes, I said that accurately.
Larry and Norman have two modes: bat-sh*t crazy and sleep. While in bat-sh*t crazy mode, they’ll partake in a variety of activities that usually ends with either Ashley or me saying “What are you doing? No!” or “Bad!” or “Come back here with my underwear, I was using it!” Here’s a list of some of my favorites:
· Wrastlin’ – They’ll get into knock down, drag out brawls complete with cross-apartment chasing, tackling, biting, and clawing. Hell, sometimes they even come after us! But it’s all for fun and they never actually hurt each other – or us.
· Thievery – They love to steal stuff. A lot of stuff. Weird stuff. They’ll locate an item they want and drag it under the bed or couch. So far, their collection includes socks, a jock strap, stuffed animals, bras, and a DVD copy of Major Payne.
· Bathing – If there’s one thing the Larry and Norman hate, it’s getting a bath. They’ll shake with nervousness while in the water then absolutely FREAK OUT when we dry them off and put them on the floor. They’ll try to shake like a dog to get excess water off, run under bath mats, and roll on the floor.
· Feed Me, Human – They are most certainly demanding little critters. Every single morning and evening, they run to the same spot in the apartment, lie down, and stare at us intently. They will continue to do this until they are fed. They are not very patient.
· Miscellaneous Mischief – They just love to poke their noses where they don’t belong. They’ll sneak into the closet to look for more crap to steal, hop up on the counter and intentionally knock things off, bury themselves in the couch cushions, unplug the Apple TV while we’re trying to watch Orange Is the New Black, dig in my backpack, find their way into plastic bags, etc.
Though some of those things sound pretty negative – and they definitely can be –they are all pretty entertaining to watch.
Their second mode is sleep. They sure do save up a lot of energy with their 18+ hours worth of naps each day. I guess that’s why they are so damn crazy while they are awake. But this is also one of my favorite things about them. They usually sleep in really funny poses that make for pretty goofy pics. Also, it’s fun to snug on them while they sleep. They are very affectionate and cuddly creatures…when they’re unconscious.
Easily the worst part of ferret ownership is picking up them never ending piles of “surprises” they like to leave in random corners when they are out of their cage. They are smart enough to realize it’s better to dispose of waste in a place that isn’t where they sleep. I’m sure there’s a way of training them otherwise, but these little ones are stubborn.
So, in a nutshell, that’s what it’s like to be a ferret parent.
As I re-read through this, I am sure I’ve done nothing but convince others – and myself – to question why in the hell anyone would want one.
But damn it, they’re just fun to be around.