(For maximum enjoyment, play the tune to Straight Outta Compton in your head as you read along)
You are now about to witness the strength of KC knowledge...
Straight outta Kauffman, crazy Venezuelan named Salvy
From the team called Royalz With Savvy
When base runners take off, I get a throw off
Squeeze the trigger, and playas are hauled off
You too, Bautista, if ya mess with me
The umps are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo ass, that's how I'm goin out
For the punk bat flippers that's showin out
Dan Murphy starts to mumble, he wanna grumble
Struck out lookin’ and we made his ass humble
Goin off on a cry baby like that
With a bean ball that's pointed at his ass
Zobrist’s swing is so smooth
To all the haters that he just disproved
Here's a Gatorade shower to keep you dancin’
Wade Davis shutouts we be handin’
34 inch maple is the tool
Makin’ Matt Harvey look like a choke artist fool
No amount of luck can save thee
We knockin’ homers out tha park, daily
Yo weekly, monthly and yearly
Our shortstop fields everything clearly
That I'm now a World Series M-V-P
Boy you can't mess with me
So when the Royals are in your neighborhood, you better duck
Cuz Kansas City has more than just luck
Ending this year, we did some stompin’
In 2016, we comin’ straight outta Kauffman.
[Chorus]: Yo Kauffman. Yo Kauffman.
[Eazy Edinson]: Yo Cain
[MC (Lo)Ren(Zo)]: Whassup?
[Eazy Edinson]: Tell em where you from!
Straight outta Kauffman, another crazy ass hitta,
More pitches I smoke, my rep gets bigger
I'm a sick center fielder and you know this
But the wussy ass Blue Jays don't show this
But I don't give a buck, I'ma make my grabs
If not in the field, I’m stealin’ some bags,
Just like burglary, the definition is jackin'
And when holdin’ my bat, I be whackin'
Hit another homer in a minute
I find a good piece o' pitchin’, I go up in it
So if at my head you decide to throw
I’ma light you up like a bitch or a dirty-ass ho
You'll probably get mad like a pitcher’s supposed to
But that shows you forget who you’re opposed to
A badass All-Star from Tallahassee CC
Challenge me and a failure you will be
MC Lorenzo controls the 3-hole spot
Bout to show you that my bat is so hot
Right or left hand, I’m no switch hitter myself,
But anytime we need ‘em, we pull Kendrys off the shelf
Our outfield is maximum and we’re the law
Gordo and Rios will leave your asses in awe
Always focused, we never be chillin’
This much is clear, other teams we be killin’
Our bullpen is unstoppable, it’s true
Once Kelvin’s on the mound, your ass is through
We look to Ned Yost to crack the whip
He fielded a team that won us a ‘ship
Straight outta Kauffman...
[Chorus]: Yo Kauffman. Yo Kauffman.
[Dr. Dyson]: Hoz is his name and the boy is comin...
...straight outta Kauffman
Is a batter that'll smother yo' cutter
And make Aaron Murray’s ex think I love her
Dangerous clean up hitter raises hell
And if you leave one up, I’ll make it sail
See I don't suck, and that’s your problem
If I face your ace, I don't dodge ‘em
But I'm smart, lay low, and see your stuff
And late in the game, I’ll stuff it up your butt
To me it's kinda funny, the direction my hits are goin’
Bautista can’t decide to who he should be throwin’
Lookin’ to throw out the one they call H-O-Z
But I run like the flash, they never seize me
Ruthless! Never seen such a badass in the park
You see, I’m the Wizard of Hoz
See an opportunity, I don’t pause
Make a bad throw to home and I'm jettin’
But leave a memory no one'll be forgettin
So what about the would-be hits Mous caught? He’s just tougher!
You think he gives a damn about heat? He ain't a sucker!
This is the autobiography of KC, and if you ever mess with we
You'll get taken out by a super dope group who will smother
Word to all the others, straight outta Kauffman.
[Chorus]: Yo Kauffman. Yo Kauffman.
[DJ Yordo]: Damn that ‘ship was dope!